Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
