I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
