i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to calm my uterus...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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