quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
