He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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