There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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