I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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