how can u be prego again
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
