He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
