I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
