I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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