adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
