I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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