And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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