i was born a porn star she said
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
