I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
