Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think my moral compass just broke
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
