My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
