now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
