Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
