I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
