i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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