Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
