I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
