I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
