Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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