Your face is a jimmy john
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
organizing the empties. That sober.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
be right there i have to get my cape
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
