I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
