I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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