..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
