Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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