I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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