She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
