Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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