Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the day after is always just damage control
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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