we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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