I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
