I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
