That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
