So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
