i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
