New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
