R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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