jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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