this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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