You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
