i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
