do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
