remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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