Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
