omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
