the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
false alarm. still invincible.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
