I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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