I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
