in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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