ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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