That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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