you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh god it's open bar.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
