Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
