today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
