i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
