you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
