Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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