the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
