Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
