In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
