On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
