I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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