Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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