john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
