I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Less talking, more tequila
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
