but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Randomize
