I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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