i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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