I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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