I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
