When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
