i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
