Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
