Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
