I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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