I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
