i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
