Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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