I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
