i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
