I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so explain again why im purple
no
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
