Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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